Today I had to go to Walmart...

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Guess how many black people I saw?

cheep, cheep, cheep

You got it.

I spent one and half hours braiding this sweet girl's hair so I could walk into Walmart with my head high and bask in the kindly smiles of all the ladies that usually feel the need to tell me how to do her hair. I wanted to see the secret "wow, that lady sure did her little baby's hair really well" look on their faces. I waited for THOSE ladies stop me in the diaper aisle and say things like "those parts!! They are so straight....so even, you must be the best mom in the world" and "look at the skill in those twists... and the elastics all match, did you go to college?"

Oh well.

The good news is that I got enough diapers and forumla that I won't have to go there (and therefore braid her hair) for another month. Whew.

But look how well she is sitting now? Hurrah for Nori.

Observations from a weekend...

Norah's newest trick........now she just needs

to learn to eat from a spoon.

Greetings Internet,

How was your weekend?

We had three whiny, snot factories in our house this weekend, shocking I know, that my kids would be sick (and by whiny snot factories I mean, two kids are teething and one has either a cold or allergies or both...). But, I think that everyone is well enough to GO TO SCHOOL today, except the babies who don't go to school, but they might be well enough to sit in front of the TV--so same thing.

We learned a few things this weekend. First, if the baby takes a nap and sleeps on BOTH sides of her hair, she wakes up looking much like Arsenio Hall in the early 90's. There is nothing more groovy than a high top afro with a mullet. It is slightly LESS groovy to take the baby to church with such a hairstyle because every black woman on earth will show up and tell you to DO THAT BABY'S HAIR. Previously this has only happened at Walmart (I only go there if I absolutely have to because I hate it so much). I do what I always do in these situations, I invite them to my house to help me get my kids ready in the morning. Just getting them out the door and having shoes on everyone is a huge accomplishment in my book. With church we take a few steps further and they actually need to be dressed up and fed. If anyone wants to come to my house and do hair then they are welcome. I might even offer them a bowl of cereal, but maybe not. They might only be offered a Diet Coke. I have no shame, I will take any and all help getting hair done in the morning. As well as the dishes and laundry. So far none of my critics have felt the need to do this. Bummer. If they are not willing to HELP me then they can zip it, and I invite them to do so. I learned that I need to get better at doing babygirl's hair and finding the time to do it before we go to church or Walmart.

Another thing that I learned is that both of my children like show tunes, but if given the chance they will brawl to the death over whether to play Josh Grobin (Lu) or Aerosmith (Jacob). Huh.

I learned that the harder I try to have a fun afternoon with my kids where I am, you know, actually interacting with them, the more things will fall apart. Yesterday we made a cake. I could tell you that it was fun and we all bonded, but I usually save my lies for my weight watchers and other children's behaviour while I am babysitting (it is always "great, they were great!"). The truth is that we ended up making a mess, the kids fought the whole time over who got to do what, a glass was shattered on the floor and we managed to spill coco everywhere. By the time the cake got into the oven I had taken a vow to never, ever look at a chocolate cake again. I am sure I will break that vow, but not without picturing coco covered shards of glass sticking out of the cake and myself eating it with a symphony of screeching children in the background.

I learned that I still love Sting. I was watching a rerun of "Regis and Kelly" and saw him doing an interview. He was talking about how he is learning to play the lute. The LUTE? You and I both know that if the average teenager decided he wanted to play the lute he would be mocked mercilessly. But somehow on Sting it is SEXY! What is it about that skinny, balding crackpot that makes me so giddy? Who cares, I'll take it. I remember listening to Sting CD's in college with my best friend/roommate. This same roommate has a little brother who grew up to be a rock star. One time when rock star brother was about to have a show, Sting showed up backstage to tell the band how much he loves their music. How is that possible? I am going to watch and see if Jimmy V starts whipping out the lute during his shows. You heard it here first people.

I learned that potty training my son is going to be a much different beast than my daughter.. She was happy with a few cheers and the promise of a sticker. Jacob wants the hard stuff. Stocks, bonds, maybe some futures. He is not going to do ANYTHING in that potty without some major incentive. Not even peeing on Cheerios did it, and this kid loves to pee on everything! Advice? I am looking forward to eliminating one set of diapers from the daily routine. When I eliminate the cost of the diapers, I can start getting pedicures again. Sadly, I am not the one who needs incentive. I think that Diet Coke will do the trick.

I learned where my cleaning lady has been stashing all the sippy cup lids. Seriously, every time she would come all the sippy cup lids would disappear. I would look EVERYWHERE, but apparently not everywhere, because there was one tiny cupboard, behind the trash can, that seemed like the logical place to put them. Cubby found them. Truffle pig. I could have just asked her where they are but there are two things wrong with that. I am kind of afraid of her (she has taken on the role of my sassy Latin mother.... she likes to tell me what to do) and we don't actually share a common language. I bet you didn't know that someone could tell you what to do in a different language. They can and it is scary. Now, I just try not to be home when she comes. Problem solved, except for the sippy cups.

I also learned that the time has come again for behavior boot camp. It must be the spring that brings on my most inventive parenting techniques. This one I actually got from my friend Suzi.... You know how sometimes as a parent you slack off on discipline and pretty soon the kids are working it? It starts with them taking longer to obey. This quickly turns into backchat. Before you know it you come down for breakfast and you find the kids passed out on the couch after a long night of videos with apple juice hangovers battling the sugar highs. As you watch the glow of the television reflect off the homemade Sponge Bob tats that have been clumsily applied to their cheeks you realize that the time has come. No? This is just my kids? Right. So, coming up will be a post on behavior boot camp, which is a distant cousin to The Last Resort .

What did you learn this weekend?

Cooking Day...

My kitchen counters are decorated with Lulu's artwork. The one on the left is called "My Mom" and the one on the right is called "My Treasures" (Jacob, a rainbow and a key).

One morning last week, as I was busily trying to edit photos of Mexican orphans that need sponsors, I actually allowed the children to be in the kitchen. This is traditionally a "no kid zone". Mostly because the computer is in here and Cubby's favorite game is to run up to me, pretend to give me a hug, and then at the last minute spin around and turn off the whole system on the CPU. The little stinker. He knows that it makes Mamma act really funny and crazy. He laughs and thinks the whole thing is hilarious.

Hence the rule.

Lauren isn't allowed in because she gets into the fridge and doesn't close the door. This also makes Mamma act really funny and crazy. I used to dream about being the kind of mom that taught her daughter to cook at an early age, but I am going to have to leave that to the Grandma's. She just makes messes. Right now the only one that is allowed in the kitchen is Norah. When she starts be distructive then she is banned to.

I have started to bend this rule recently because when I don't, Jacob picks up anything he can find and throws it over the dog/kid gate (the only one that can keep him out) into the kitchen. He usually starts with the dining rooms chairs and works his way down to the toy baskets and Derek's piano music. This doesn't usually bother me, but the last time he did it he broke one of our fancy IKEA dining rooms chairs and then used the pieces of bang the gate, like a prisoner. The prison idea was so accurate it made me laugh. Then I rembered that sometimes prisoners are so motivated to get out they will dig thorugh solid cement. Since Jacob has yet to figure out that if you put the chair up to the gate (rather than throwing it over), you can climb over the gate. I don't want to give him any motivation since I prefer to leave this an unexplored skill.

The other day when I let the kids in the kitchen, they decided to "cook. " At first I didn't realize what they were doing, but as I started to listening in, I was really touched by how cute they were playing together. This is honestly the first time I have seen them play together. Usually Jacob just wants to do whatever Lu is doing and then she screams until he goes away. This day has been 2 years in coming. Also, they have NEVER played with the pretend kitchen as long as they did here. They worked and worked and talked and played. Lu would venture outside to get "ingredients" while Cubby manned the grill. It made my mamma heart proud AND I got my work done.

Disclaimer, Jacob is only in a diaper in these pictures. I guess this is my official application to Trailer #4 in Whitetrashville. This kid wants to be naked all the time. Yesterday after naptime I found that he had gotten out of bed, taken off his diaper and put it in his garbage can and then crawed BACK into bed naked. I consider keeping him in any type of clothes a victory. And yes, Lauren is still in her jimmy jams (pj's).

I give you

Gatronomique..

I let the kids use whatever they wanted as long as it wasn't a knife. If you look closely at the little silver box by the bread Cubby is flattening, you will notice that those are the controls to the stove. Just push the button and you get all the heat you want. Child friendly, huh?

I was informed that these are "hard boiled rocks". Sounds delish.


This is the menue. I find this funny because Lu can write and spell. I guess this was faster. I was told to check out the "pepsi salad" and "yummy noodles".


Serve them up Cubbo!

Nice war paint on his cheek. That is yogurt

Lauren, ever the patient supervisor, is always ready to smile for a picture...

Lauren goes in search of ingredients outside and comes back succsessful. This is Egg Salad Soup.

Jacob goes looking for ingredients of his own

He leaves no source unchecked. That garbage can is a microcausim of my life, eggs, cookies, Diet Coke and a diaper. That says a lot about me.

Jacob is watching the master work her magic

Stirring the Hard Boiled Rocks is hard work...

Jacob checks his orders..... (note that the ottoman he is standing on into the kitchen because he threw it over the gate earlier in the morning)

Salt makes everything better, even bark

Or just on it's own

This the best part. Lauren made this sign for the resturant.

It reads "Pancake Fest, the rest Royalty" I don't know what that means, but she chanted it the rest of the day. The bottom one says "Pancakes are Royalty, Royalty Rules....... Go, Go, Go, Pancakes"